This list does not contain movies that are just poorly made, as in cheap student films or low-budget productions that at least have an excuse, rather this is a list of big-budget films that wasted money as if it were water. These are productions that were actually 'approved' for the public and it's amazing that someone actually released these torture-tests to the general public without at least a warning of some sorts, like ...this film is rated "C" for coma, which is likely how you will find yourself after viewing.
10. The Patriot - I really wanted to like Mel Gibson's American Revolution War film, but it didn't take long before the authenticity of the film was jeopardized by a ludicrous plot and the direction and inconsistency of this film. It's amazing that it goes over the heads of thinking adults. This is evident in a crucial scene involving a church full of innocent people who are torched to death, but unfortunately the scene is inserted into the film for such a brief moment that we don't even have the ability to care about the people involved as it's treated with about as much emotion as a chunk of granite. Of course leave it to renegade Mel to beat those Brits yet again with his sharp-shooter sons.
9. The Ladykillers (remake) - Joel & Ethan Coen, as well as Tom Hanks, really should have spent their time doing another project rather than 'try' to modernize The Ladykillers, which they pretty much desecrated to no end and instead made a film that's as embarrassing to watch as I am sure it is to have credited to your name, this film could have single-handedly ended the careers of all involved, for some, it's a good thing it didn't.
8. Planet of the Apes (remake) - I like Mark Wahlberg and I also like Tim Burton, but what on earth were they thinking with this one? There are some films that shouldn't even be considered as potential remake material and the 1968 film is one of them, it's a Science Fiction great that can't be outdone, so why bother trying to make it over again? Wahlberg is lucky that his run of remakes didn't ruin his career when he made 3 films in 4 years that were remakes and all were failures to some degree, although The Italian Job was the most tolerable.
7. Minority Report - This film is so laughable that's it's hard to imagine that Steven Spielberg made it, but he sure did. Although there is nothing original about the concept and it's basically a conglomeration of other good science fiction films, however, the cut & paste method that Spielberg tries to do here just flops. Let's just put it this way... the future is so advanced and technology is so good, yet for some reason people mistake billboards for real people. Enough said.
6. The Pianist - Despite being exiled from America, director Roman Polanski still manages to make very good films, this isn't one of them, although it's dressed up to look like one. I wanted to love this film and there were parts that I enjoyed, mostly the music, but for the most part it was merely a drawn out, unrealistic, and predictable train wreck that seemed void of emotion, just like Adrien Brody's face most of the time. The casting was probably one of the worst in a long time and didn't help matters, fortunately I know that Polanski is a good filmmaker and he can always redeem himself. Instead of seeing this film, watch The Black Book from director Paul Verhoeven.
5. The Truth About Charlie (remake of Charade) - Oh the humanity! One of my beloved favorites showed up in this concoction with yet again Mark Wahlberg. What is he thinking? Well, fortunately there are two things that are true. 1. Hardly anyone saw this film and 2. Most people didn't see the connection to Charade from 1963 since the title changed. If you want to see a real film check out Charade instead starring the always awesome Cary Grant and Audrey Hepburn.
4. A Beautiful Mind - I know that many were fooled by this film, but not I. In fact I was one of the few who actually stood up after the movie was over in the theater and was booing. Yes, booing. Many were clapping, but I was in shock that people actually enjoyed this farce of a film. Now here's how it works. You see, Ron Howard (you remember him from Happy Days right?) well, you see he tries to be a real filmmaker and he has certainly had some luck (Apollo 13 to name one of them), but every once in awhile he needs to fake his talent and the way he does that is with a sweeping music score to cover up sections of his films that are void of emotion, sense, logic, or rationality. The ending of this film is so cliched, dull, and insanely annoying that I was just appalled when I actually saw people hailing this movie with clapping. I mean, I see many good films that other people really enjoy, but they don't clap at the end. Why were they clapping in this one? They were fooled! The music at the end of the film actually makes it seem like the joke of a film that you've just spent 2 hours watching was worth it. Then again the entire film plays with the viewers emotions just as much as it does with it's characters and ultimately trivializes the life of John Nash.
3. Million Dollar Baby - I love Clint Eastwood! Always have. But I think his directing days are numbered and a film like this is evidence of just that. Instead of wasting your time with this wannabee artsy boxing movie with political and socially skewed layers, check out Cinderella Man starring Russell Crowe. I personally love the scene where Eastwood just walks right into a so-called hospital and pulls the plug on Miss Swank without a soul noticing.
2. Psycho (remake) - Just utter nonsense here as director Gus van Sant decided to make money on re-shooting Alfred Hitchcock's classic film. I say re-shoot because that's precisely what he did, he just re-shot the exact same film just inserted different actors, so that begs the question...what's the point? My thoughts exactly.
1. A.I. Artificial Intelligence - Stanley Kubrick did not make very many films over his incredibly long career. Much of that is because when he did make a film, he poured his heart and soul into that film and when it was done, it was a masterful work of cinema. His projects sometimes took years to make, but you knew when it was released that you were indeed seeing something special. Unfortunately he didn't live long enough to make a film he had always wanted to, A.I. The torch was then handed down to crowd-pleaser Steven Spielberg who has always had success (mostly commercial, not critical) in the Science Fiction genre and he seemed like the person to handle this work. Well, think again. What ultimately happens though is that Spielberg is trapped about 30-minutes into the film with a story and plot that he just doesn't know what to do with it, so rather than head into a logical direction, the film meanders on for what seems an eternity as it goes goofy to crazy to just all-out silly by the time the 2 1/2 hours are finally over. It's hard to believe that Spielberg could make a boring film, but this one is surely that as it's evident that he is trying to make something that is beyond him, it's not his forte and rather than acknowledge that this deep, logical, emotional theme needs to be handled with craft that a master like Kubrick could do, we end up with Spielberg train wrecking it without a care in the world for the viewer.
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